‘’…….Love Eman’’
BY JAYRAF
‘’sometimes, we feel like we’re alone and hated
by the people around you. And unexpectedly, there’s someone who will fulfill the
love that you’re looking for and will accompany you when the times you need a
company … he’s just around, you don’t have to look for him, just know
him………..and this time, I found him. The man I love and the ONE who loves me
truly....’’
Hi, I’m Shane. But people used to
call me Sunburn because I looked like burned by the sun. I’m 15 years old, and
a second year student. I’m a black-skinned girl, had an average nose and ugly
lips. What made me uglier was my dead hair. I’m the ugliest girl in our school
and it was proven when my classmates forced me to join in an ‘’Ugly Duckly Princess’’
contest during our 43rd foundation day, and I won. It’s my most
embarrassing moment. And I promised to myself that it would be my first and
last time to join in that kind of contest. When I got home that day, I cried so
much. Life was really unfair, people were unfair, and God was unfair. I’m just
alone. What I had done for me to suffer like this. It’s not my choice to be
like this. Why people did not understand it? They were all the same.
After that day, I hesitated to go to
school because surely, I’ll drown by bullies. But I still chose to go. When I
got inside the gate, my instinct was right, I was met by irritating shouts
laughs, and bullies. I down my head and I walked faster to get away urgently
from them, I wept, till I accidentally touched on something or someone. I
slowly up my head to someone I’ve touched with. I was palpitated because maybe
he’s one of them and he’ll grab me back. I closed my eyes till I heard him
saying, ‘’Are you ok?’’ I opened my eyes and I saw a very cute and handsome guy
standing and holding my face. What the hell! He’s such a cute guy. He’s the
cutest guy I’ve ever seen. It took seconds before I got away my eyes from his.
I saw the sincerity on his handsome eyes. All of a sudden, he left me for a
while and he approached the people at the back, ‘’what’s the matter of you
guys? Can you stop and get away from her? Are you happy seeing someone hurting?
What if you are in her place, what would you feel? You’re hurting her. Stop
acting like kids guys, you are in high school already, so please be a man and a
woman, be responsible already’’. It really shocked me. I did not know what to say.
I’m speechless of what I’d heard. Urgently, the people walked away. He
approached me back and asked me once again if I’m ok. I just nodded. He
remained standing in front of me and said, ‘’don’t let them to treat you like
that. You should fight sometimes. There’s nothing wrong if you’ll defend
yourself’’, then he walked away. There’s a little pain on his voice, I noticed.
I’m still standing on the same place as he walked away, I couldn’t believe
about what happened, about what he said. That night, I couldn’t able to sleep
because I’m thinking about him. He’s so cute really. He’s cuter than any actors
I’ve known around the world. I was dismayed because I did not know his name. I
forgot about the bad things happened that day because of him. It’s the first
time that there’s someone who tried to defend me, not ever. But I was confused
because it just now I saw him in school. Maybe he’s a transferee.
I intentionally to go early in school
the next day, hoping that I’ll see him again, to say thank you. I looked
around. He’s not there. I thought maybe it just happened that he’s there that
time and he’s just a visitor. Visitor? Wearing our school uniform? Crazy thought.
I failed in looking for him when the bell rang. After the class, I tried to
find him again. Fortunately, I found him in the gym, playing tennis, my
favorite sport. I tried to approach him when the game was up when several girls
approached him. I felt sad. Thus, I preferred to go back. But I admit, there’s
a good feelings I felt when I saw him again though he did not notice me. I giggled.
It was Monday morning when I’m having
my snacks in the canteen. I’m thinking about my weekend when I saw him
approaching towards me. I slightly down my head in order for him not to notice
me immediately. I giggled but I stopped when he completely got inside. He slightly
moved his head towards me, and he smiled at me. I couldn’t help myself to
giggle. I watched him. He bought burger but he removed the ham and gave it back
to the storekeeper and he just put catsup and soy sauce on it. I laughed
quietly. He’s little weird I thought. I’m wondering if how it taste like and
what else he usually bought. A soft drink in cellophane without straw? A melted
ice cream? A soup without spoon? Or uncooked meat? But he’s not crazy to look
at. Someday, I’ll find it out.
Friday afternoon. We’re having a class
work. I was assigned to clean the whole principal’s office alone. It was so
wide inside and it’s impossible for me to finish it immediately, thus, after 1
hour I went to the canteen to take some rest. I was so disappointed of what
they’ve assigned to me. It’s unfair. As I entered inside the canteen, I’m
nearly to back out when I saw a familiar image inside; he’s having a snack, the
same snack I saw he bought before. When he saw me, he said, ‘’Hi’’, and I said
‘’hi’’ as well. Nervous came suddenly when I noticed there’s no one inside
except us. How come? Maybe it’s what we call DESTINY. I bitted my lower lip due
to nervous. I couldn’t hide my nervous. I worried maybe he’ll notice it. I have
to overcome it right away. But it’s too late when he asked me, ‘’is there a
problem?’’, sincerity was still there. ‘’ah-ahm, problem? None, I’m just tired.’’ It’s not easy for me
to answer. ‘’tired from what?’’, he asked me again, but before I answered, he
answered it for me, ‘’ahhh, from class work, am I right?’’ I just nodded. I
preferred not to say so long maybe I’ll utter something embarrass. We’re quite
for 5 minutes I think. In order to overcome my nervous, I bought three burgers
and I ate it so fast. That’s what I usually do when I’m in nervous. Till
there’s something stocked-up in my esophagus. I can’t breathe! I need water!
But I realized I forgot to buy water and there’s no one I can ask a help,
except him. God help me!! I thought I had to set aside for a while my
embarrassment or else I’ll die! Thus, I picked up my shoes and I threw it to
him so hard! I didn’t know what happened next, but I heard a loud ‘’OUCH!!!’’.
When my consciousness was back, I saw him already at my side, putting some ice
on his face, pain was there. I hurt him! What the heck I’ve done! I’m a kind of
fool! I hesitated to open my eyes. I wished I’ll collapse again because I felt
so embarrassed. I don’t want to get up. I remembered the first time I met him. I put
him in risk that time, guys may hurt him. And now, I put him in risk once more.
And it more worst than before because I truly hurt him at this time. I had no
choice but to face him. I slowly opened my eyes, pretending that it just now I
got my conscious back. I did not straightly put my eyes to him. ‘’you’re
awake’’, he smiled but there’s little concern on his face. ‘’Yeah….ouch ….what
happened?’’, I’m really pretending. I was palpitated so much maybe he’ll catch
me that I’m just acting. ‘’You collapsed, remember?’’ he answered. ‘’Ahh, I
remembered….ah-ahm, wait, what happened to your face?’’ I asked him like an
innocent. ‘’Ah, your shoes flew itself towards my face, but it’s ok now don’t
worry’’, I know he’s lying; it’s not ok yet because of the violet mark left on
his face. But I liked his answer, funny. I really felt so embarrassed. But I’m
wondering how he removed the piece of burger from my esophagus. Maybe he used a
stick and he pushed down the piece by it, or maybe he used a vacuum to remove
it. But it didn’t matter how or what he
used, the important was he saved me. ‘’Mr’’, I called him. ‘’Eman’’, he
corrected. He gave his name at last. Wew! ‘’Ahm Eman, sorry, I didn’t meant to
hurt you……and thank you for saving me from death,……..today and the day that I
first met you…thank you so much, I really appreciate it. Ahhhhh, ahm….tell me
what can I do to pay back your goodness, tell me anything, promise I’ll do whatever
you want me to do’’, seemed like I’m begging to him but it’s better already
than I’ll do nothing. But he answered immediately, ‘’no, it’s ok…don’t mind it,
just forget about it……so….I’ll go ahead? Bye, take care.’’ Then he walked away.
My nervous was gone when he uttered those words. That day, I forgot the work
that I’d left in the principal’s office. I didn’t care if they’ll punish me. I
used to it.
It was weekend. We went to the
mall with my younger brother to buy some things needed in our kitchen. You
couldn’t say he’s the younger one because he’s so mature to look at than me. As
an addict of time zone, my brother forced me to allow him to play. Thus, as a
good and loving sister, I allowed him. For me not to get bore, I went to the
stuff toys section because actually I really like stuff toys and I had a
collection of it. I want to see if they had a sale. I’m choosing when suddenly
I saw a familiar face, its Eman! But I thought he did not see me. He’s busy
paying his bills at the counter. Thus, I immediately left there, and I went
back to my brother and grabbed him away without words. Honestly, I’m not yet recovered
from what happened. I didn’t want to face him temporarily. I had to get away
from him as long as I can.
Monday morning. After the flag
ceremony, I went to CR. From outside, I heard some guys laughing moderately. I
palpitated. I know what would be next, and I was right. They locked the door,
and it’s impossible for you to open it coz I heard a noise from chain. They
used a chain to lock me from outside. They assured that I couldn’t get out
really. How stupid they were! I was so worried because all the students were in
their respective class rooms already, no one could help me. I hit so hard the
door and shouted for a help. But I thought no one can hear me. Thus, all I did
was to cry. ‘’what the hell was the problem of you! Open it!! Open it!! Please!
What I’ve done to do it to me??’’, I cried so hard. I felt pity to myself. Till
I heard someone, losing the chain outside then he shouted, ‘’Shane! Shane! Are you
ok there?’’, it was Eman! ‘’Eman?? Please help me! I’m afraid, take me out of
here! Please!’’, I shouted back, till he completely loosed the chain. When I
got out I hugged him so tight and he hugged me back. But I realized it was
wrong, and I felt embarrassed. But I admitted, there’s something nice in my
heart that I felt. In spite of what happened I’m still happy because he hugged
me and I hugged him. Like a fairy tale, he’s my prince and I’m his princess, an
ugly duckly princess, and he saved me from the monster who wanted to eat me. I
imagined what if one day, he’ll admit that he likes me? And I’ll admit to him that I like him too? I
nearly to die with that crazy thought.
It was Saturday morning. We were
in school to prepare the stage for Valentine’s Day on Monday. They decorated
the stage. They just assigned me to sweep the whole back stage. It was so
dirty. What’s my right to complaint, thus, I just did. The rooms were seemed
like storage of dust, I’m allergic on it but I had to clean it all. I thought,
I was born this way, I was born to be their toy and servant, but there’s
nothing I can do about it. I was so tired when I finished. I got out but I’m
just alone already, they’re all gone. I sat beside the stairs to rest. I lay my
head on the wall when I smelled something. It seemed like paint. All of a
sudden, 1 gallon of paint rushing towards my head, then I heard some laughs. I
did not move immediately. I know already who were the responsible of it. I just
cried then ran away. I did not know where I should go. I stopped under the big
tree. I need someone to talk with. Suddenly, I heard a voice calling my name;
it was Eman, the one who understand me. ‘’What happened?’’, he asked me with
concern. I did not answer because I was ashamed. He looked at me head to foot
and he sat beside me and he said then, ‘’I know already what happened; those
guys did it to you. You know Shane, you are the one who made it to yourself’’,
I was confused and little bit angry of what he said. ‘’I mentioned it to you
before already, the day you first met me that you have to defend yourself
sometimes, there’s nothing bad about it as long as you’re not the one who
started the quarrel. You have a right to defend yourself. All of us have. I’m
not saying you have to hit them, throw them with your shoes, and with anything
you can see around you, I’m just saying that fight them through words, a good
words. You don’t have to hit the person to make him realize that you’re
offended already, and you are hurting already. Words are powerful than actions.
It can make the person change, and the world change. Just let them know. People
are blind sometimes, or just pretending as one, in order for them to see, you
have to get what make them blind.’’ He added.
After he said it, I realized that he was right. How the people know
their mistakes if u don’t let them know. ‘’….and you know what make you cry
again and again? It was the pain that
you kept inside for a long time. Just let it out. Let it out to the things which
were the source of that pain. You can’t able to get over from that pain even
you’ll cry a thousand times if you will not let them know. And don’t forget to
call him, our father above for his guidance because he’s the only one who knows
the way if how you will do it right Shane.’’ I was really amazed of what he
said. I didn’t know what should I feel, should I get angry to him because he didn’t
know how it felt like and how impossible to do it or be thankful to him because
he’s concerned instead? I looked at him, he smiled. What a handsome smile! But
I was confused if how he found me here, thus, I asked him, ‘’by the way, how
did you find me here?’’, ‘’ I’m just around when I saw you crying thus I
approached you’’, he answered without hesitation, and then he smiled again.
‘’ahh, ok. But I saw you one day in the mall, are you alone that time?’’, I
asked him once again. ‘’yes, I am. I don’t need a company if I want to go
out.’’ He answered. ‘’ahh, but why are you there? I noticed you did not buy
something because you held nothing when I saw you at the counter’’ I asked him
again. ‘’I was there because you were there’’, he smiled then. I couldn’t
believe of what I’ve heard. He’s there coz I’m there? So, he’s following me
that time? Oh God! I was so flattered. But after a moment, he said he had to
go.
That night, I’m thinking about what
he said. ‘’I’M THERE COZ YOU WERE THERE’’. I thought, was that the indication that
he likes me? I giggled with that thought.
Monday, and I went early in school
because we have to prepare ourselves for the event. As I entered in our gym, a
guy approached me and he gave me a card and a little box as a gift. I read the
card and I was so glad because it was an appreciation card and I nearly to cry.
I want to hug them all. I was so flattered. I thought they were all the same,
but I’ve mistaken. It’s my first time to receive a gift. When I opened the box,
Eman suddenly approached me and hugged me and a laud ‘’BOOM!’’ from the box was
ragging around. I was so afraid, I nearly to collapse but thank God I did not.
Thanks to Eman, he saved me once again from menace. I cried so hard. They’ve
put a little firework inside the box. They planned it just for me. All of them
laughed so laud. When I’m about to back out, I remembered the words that Eman
shared to me. I looked at him and he nodded. I thought it’s the time to fight
them. God help me. ‘’It’s too much already! What’s the problem of you?! Why
you’re doing this to me?? I never hurt you even once! Why? Do you think it’s my
choice to be like this, huh? Every time you’re doing a crazy stuff to me, I feel
like I’m the unluckiest person has ever lived. I’m not a toy that you can play
anytime you want! I’m a human like you, have a heart and can be hurt as well! I
accepted the truth already that no one wants to be my friend because I’m ugly,
because I’m fool, stupid, and whatever names you want to call me! but treating
me like this, I can’t. You know, I realized that I’m not the fool and stupid
one here, but you! Coz you did not think if you’re hurting someone, you didn’t
mind if that person was already offended! You should be thankful coz you’re not
in my place, coz if you were me, I don’t know if you can stay longer with the
people who were looking just on outside appearance of the person! You should be
thankful because sometimes, I’m wishing to be like you! But I know it will
never happen. I did not ask anything from you, but just one thing, and it was
respect that you didn’t give at all! You are all selfish!’’, I ran away after I
uttered out those words. I left Eman there. They were all quite when I left
them. I’m hoping that they will realize their mistakes. I hope so.
I cried so hard not because of what
happened but because I realized how unlucky I’ am. I’m really alone. Self pity
captured my whole being. That’s life, really unfair. I don’t understand why God
allowed me to suffer like this, if why he gave me this kind of gesture. During
my thinking, Eman approached me, and he smiled at me seemed like nothing had
happened. He asked me, ‘’so how was it? How’s your feeling right now?’’, I
looked at him for a while and I remembered the accident happened, ‘’are you
hurt? Sorry, it’s my fault. It’s the 3rd times that you saved me. I
don’t know already how to pay back your goodness. Sorry really’’, I apologized.
‘’no, I’m ok it just nothing. It’s my duty. I’m just concerned about you and
I’m not asking anything in return. I did it because I love you Shane’’, he
answered. What??? Am I right of what i.ve heard? He loves me? Wow! I didn’t
know what to say. I got red and mixed emotions I’ve felt. It takes a minute
before I got back my voice. ‘’What?? You love me?’’, I asked him. ‘’yes, I love
you Shane ever since yet, I know you already the time that you don’t know me
yet, I’m just around waiting for you’’, he answered me without hesitation. I
became speechless for a while. I can’t believe that it was happening. ‘’but, I
love you too Eman, I fell in love with you urgently when I first saw you. That
night, I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about you. But why I’m the one you
loved? I’m ugly and fool girl. Why?’’, I asked him confusedly. He just smile
and said, ‘’I’m not looking for a nice face, I’m looking for a nice heart, like
you.’’ I almost to cry because I thought no one will appreciate me. Thus, I
hugged him so tight and he hugged me back.
The next day, I was so happy when I got
inside the gate of our school because I’m excited already to meet him again. I
noticed since I entered, no one tried to fool me again. It was so unusual, till
some couple of guys and some girls approached me, I tried to ran away because
maybe they will fool me again when one of them called me in a nice way and said,
‘’Shane, wait! We’re here because we want to say sorry, we’re sincere, no
kidding. Sorry for the bad things we’ve done to you. I hope you will forgive
us. We’ve done wrong to you. And we want to make up those mistakes. Can you
come with us for a while?’’, before I answered, they grabbed me going to our
school gym. As I entered inside, a big banner that saying ‘’SHANE, SORRY. WE
LOVE YOU!’’ welcomed me, and I was speechless. I did not notice the tears fell
down my face. It was a dream? I’m waiting for a long time for this to happen,
that they will learn to love and respect me. All of these were happened because
of Eman, my boyfriend. Thus, I immediately looked for him. I went to the place
where we met yesterday but he’s not there. I went as well to the place where he
shared his thoughts to me, but I failed he’s not there as well. I wandered
around hoping that I’ll see him, but unfortunately I failed. I was so dismayed.
Thus, I went to the guard house to ask the guard if he saw Eman, ‘’Eman? Who’s
that? I don’t know him, and as far as I know, there’s no Eman enrolled here,
that’s what I know’’. He said. ‘’what? He’s my boy friend. He’s a student here
and I’m sure of that’’ I defended. ‘’ok ok, just go to registrar office and ask
them about your boyfriend huh?’’. Every time I met someone I asked them if
they’ve seen Eman but their answer were all the same, ‘’I DON’T KNOW HIM’’ I
doubted, thus I went to registrar office if he really enrolled here, maybe he’s
just an outsider and try to fool some students here and I’m the first victim.
‘’Eman what?’’, registrar asked me. ‘’ahm maam, sorry I don’t know his family
name’’ I answered. ‘’ok’’ she said. After she hit some keys on the keyboard,
‘’Sorry but there’s no Eman had registered here’’ she said. I froze for a
while. It can’t be that he’s an outsider coz no one can easily get inside the
campus coz it was so close and you have to pass by in the guard house before
you enter.
I was so confused how come that he’s not
a student in our school coz he’s wearing a school uniform as well. There’s a
lil pain in my heart. He fooled me.
It was our p.e day. I went to my locker
to get my p.e uniform when I saw a folded paper inside, and I thought it was a
letter. I know it was for me so I unfolded it. I was so shocked of what I found
out, the letter was from Eman and it was written like this:
Dear Shane,
I’m so happy because you are
happy. I was so glad seeing you crying due to happiness. It’s what I want for
you even before. All I wanted for you is just happiness. It’s my pleasure to
save you 3 times from danger and I’ll never get tired saving you for a million
times. I didn’t use a stick or vacuum to get back your breath when you threw
your shoes to me, I gave my own breath just to keep you alive. And I want you
to know the day when you saw me at the counter, I’m there because there’s
someone wants to steal the money from the counter and I guarded it. I’m there
as well because I’m guarding you both with your brother. And the opportunities
that you’ve seen me, I’m there because I’m guarding you as well. In the
canteen, I bought a weird burger, it just because I want you to smile even
once, even that simple way. I’ve never
hurt when I covered you up from the firework in the box, much better if I’m the
one who’ll hurt than you, I’ll never allow it, just simply because I love you
so much Shane. Don’t ever think that you are alone because I’m here, I’ll never
leave you. And you will never be alone again because your brothers and sisters
were already awake and not already blind because you picked up the thing that
makes them blind and I’m so proud of you because of that. Don’t be sad if I’m
gone because honestly, I’m just there beside you, I’m much closer than your own
heart, watching you and guarding you. If you’ll feel love, that’s me. I really
enjoyed the days that we’re together. Just be good always Shane and someday, we
will be together. I’m waiting.
Love,
JESUS.
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